Bye, dear

Unexpected, but perhaps an eventual night.  Busy and preoccupied, and then just sadness and frustration and a feeling of powerlessness and inevitability.  Simply and crucially, there is not enough desperation to alter the course that had been unfolding.  The pressure of the situation had been building, compounded by the unending recurrences, the collective tiredness, the patterns.  Then the New Orleans announcement came in with nothing to hold onto, the Father's Day weekend passed apart (ridiculously, in Moncton with the FIFA R16) , and a long day of driving and countervailing work that left you distracted and with little energy of your own to resist.  So there it is, some 28 months after first meeting in the old Palace.

But the issues were clearly there, whether on trust or what have you.  Good to take some time and space, and fill the emptiness that you feel now with cliches of never say and anything.  There were a lot of fond memories, maybe the most with anyone, even as some things like other friendships and so on didn't always click.  I don't know with whom they would, but kudos to a long stretch of ups and downs and learnings and laughter and most of all good times.  I feel a little gutted, but cheered at least that there is ever more freshness on the horizon, including some calmness of mind that should relax and de-stress you for now.

Long term - it is remains regrettable and sad, but what can you say?  The fizz gone?  The spark faded?  Where desire to move the heavens should be, unfortunately (unluckily?) it was not.  Hard to imagine wishing more of the best for anyone.  But as a solitary man rather than a team player, this was always the better bet as to the final outcome.

So on to the ECT, the Toronto Fringe, and the Tomatina then.  To Liverpool at home and Newcastle away, and Edinburgh.  And other bucket list items of summer, we yet hope.  Still.  And to keep her in your life.  Another in the line of what might have been, and not for the lack of trying. Or maybe, in this case, it was.  No matter.  Onward.   There are cab drivers from Samarkand in this city willing you on, and other foolish and nostalgic adventures ahead.  Do write some of the past as a tribute, and never fully admit to saying goodbye.  Eyes ahead.  This hollow feeling too shall pass.