Motivation and the Lack Thereof

Complacency breeds despair, breeds cynicism.  You frequently return to this feeling - I'm tired of this.  The feeling, again, I'm trapped, under the weight of things, events.  The flight escapes distracting, but no longer working as they were wont to do in the past.  Hiding out in hotel rooms.  Behind music.  In echo chambers of your choosing.  Avoiding work for days and weeks now on end.  Dreams of remote ocean outposts that would probably drive you further into misery.  Nothing to be done.

A bleak outlook, and yet the power to choose remains.  The goal of the half, and then Medoc to move you out of bed.  Bali disconnection, and the search for inspiration among the Kiwis.  A last public celebration of 1976.  Some Caribbean air.  A first glimpse of the Europa.  A summer eclipse.  A Fall classic, ballpark trip or otherwise.  All of that for 2017.  And then, then, you can begin.

Options are to leave it all behind in Jan 2018, or (more likely) sometime in 2019.  The latter still leaves so many months of treading water, of spinning in place.  What about targeting the writing program for summer 2018 as the stop gap?  Or even 2017, could that be swung?  Surely, if you have but the writing in place... A new community and new dream to tie up your malaise and direct it toward a grander purpose.

Write up the Philly trip.  Write up some other adventures over the holidays as you take breaks from the training.  Putting this off further seems counterproductive.  Seems a delay in getting started.

Here we witness the therapeutic quality of writing and the organic evolution of a dormant idea taking shape.  The G. Coop event at month's end a chance to ask for the letter in support.  This Spring and Summer to focus, and the Antarctica trip to provide further inspiration, tied as it must be into the overall theme of the project.

Let me go check some logistics and return...

So.  February 15 deadline.  Two letters.  Max 25 pages.  Transcripts.  Personal statement.  Project idea.  2 week August 2017 residency in Halifax.  ~$6000 tuition per semester.  1 week TO (2018) residency in January.  No reason why that cannot be made to work with the plans.

Pourquoi pas?  And like that, in the process of 2 posts, less than one week after this devastating election, you have a physical and intellectual path forward into the new year.  Maybe I should change the title of the post now?  Ha.  I do feel an instinctive joy, that this provides the chance at a near-term sense of purpose right up your proverbial alley.  "Graduation" right around the age of 40 as well, which could come just around the right time.

Ok - room 324 at Aloft.  Thanks.  Let me go crank out this presentation to DEC, finish some trade and hydro work, and clear your head for the coming salvos.  The plans of the last few days are a long time coming, which is why they feel right, but the key is in the execution.  Look not back in vain.