Motivation and its Sources

So, that was a whirlwind of a few days, eh?  From the drafting of surprising emails in Phnom Penh to an overpriced BK burger in BKK to catching the last bit of the Chelsea-Barca first leg in the Abu Dhabi airport to the rearranged meeting one hour after an on time arrival from half-way around the world. 

And 'twas a good one, the meeting.  Despite the slightly exhasperated dropping of the notion of "taxpayer money" and hinting that there should be stricter consequences for abandonment, the outlet for escape is unobstructed.  If anything, the conversation only reinforced the correctness of the decision taken and that it just is not the path for ye.  All it should take now is to draft one additional email in a little over a week, and the breakup will be basically complete, with a minimum of additional hassle.  Then a little more touring around to some undiscovered places around Eire before Aberdeen, Ragtime, the Indy 500, and then a few announcements back home, the launch of the boat, the search for a home, and even the possibility of Rio before the (ready to) restart.

Lots to look forward to, as ever on this planet of dreams.  First up is today's random trip back across to magical London for the last live Arsenal for awhile, and then a marathon.  Tempted to stay longer than originally planned, but I think it makes sense to head home on schedule.  London will be there for you in years to come, let's spend the remaining Euros in getting to far-away Irish places.  

Off for the first triathlon training run of the next few months.  Here's hoping you can keep that pledge up.  Make it a barometer of all the promises and hopes and ideas you challenged yourself with while on the backroads.  And remember TVR's final words from yesterday: "Don't give up."  While that particular ship had already sailed, it's not a bad motto to hold onto for what's to come.  The motivation may not be there to discover the charms of Galway and learn the required maths and economics.  But no excuses if you cannot find it for the learning and doing of the stuff that will prove tremendously fun in the days and months and years to come.  Let's do it. 

Asian Decision Making

In Kampot, chilling out in the laziness of the Bodhi lifestyle. One of the more beautiful rooms I've stayed in along the backpacker trail, and a solid place for reflection after a hurried tour through Vietnam. India again on the tips of a lot of traveler tongues, as can be expected in Asia, and that among other conversations and emotions helping ease along the decision-making process. What to do. I think it is the foreignness felt in Galway and at times in the rush through various anonymous hostels that is increasingly driving thoughts of settling into a "home" for the medium-term, and where else but in old Halifax where the Southern Cross and Mazda 3 already lie in wait.

There has been enough time since Achill to turn this over in your mind, and it seems for the best. If commitment (in general) is something that has been thus far steadfastly avoided, perhaps it is time to turn that lifestyle on its head and try your hand at delving right into it. Rather than attempting to drag out another 6 months or so in a state of uncertainty, really try to commit - learning how to sail and cook what you like, and also get in shape and get more involved in legal and community-type things, even if just to meet people and the like. Get "engaged", for lack of a better word.

It will take some getting used to, of course, and not each day will be wondrous. And it will no doubt bring with it humbling moments as you accept the prospect of - to put it simply, and maybe for the first time - getting older. But if it must come, at least let that aging happen where you are comfortable, and where the outline of a beginning is already in place. Even if nothing else, something as simple as mastering the Southern Cross and its infinite charms must be seen as enough to satisfy. In pursuit of local charms, instead of always dreaming there is something better in far off places such as this lovely little riverside nook.

Because no matter how beautiful they can be in the moment, they remain the creations and fulfillment of the dreams of others. No reason you cannot do the same, but when you contemplate the necessity of the where, Halifax surely must be that answer. Having accepted that, run with it and I think all may just end well after all. If there is a theme over the past two months since the idea of quitting first materialized on the hungover hillside, it is that a whole-hearted return is the way forward. From a waterfall in the heart of Vietnam to Cambodian backroads, the July 1 restart does seem to have won out.

So thanks, SE Asia, for helping add to the clarity of key life choices. Now I suppose you just need to let time tick on and finish up this little trip and the last date of the year with the Arsenal, tie up the loose ends of life in Eire, and then begin anew again in charming little Halifax for - what? let me see, 2001, 2005, 2009, and now 2012 - I guess the fourth time. A bit of an ongoing return, but pourquoi pas?

Something hints this might be the one that sticks. And in days to come, when working through any frustrations and challenges, do not forget to remember why you were pretty comfortable believing (while on the road) that Halifax was in fact where you can find the lifestyle and contentment that you are (still) looking for...

Best of luck in that.