Only now getting around to an entry to summarize the weeks away in Asia, the last for some time. Familiar feelings, seems like much longer than 6 days since the return and yet those foreign lands seem impossibly far removed. Despite the urgings of the Ganges, things seem eerily familiar on the homefront - the difficulty in getting motivated for the mundane tasks of marking and exercise and organization. You see how easy it is when you do get out of bed, but the constant struggle is a bit maddening when you allow so many minutes to pass with such minimal effort. The laziness and loneliness were truly given freen reign in Galway, such that working back to a motivated standard is "work" indeed.
There is so much that could be learned and done, and yet you resist, deferring... It is easy to resolve from afar, more difficult to implement the changes. Why does each new thing need to be a struggle? Why is each new decision a mountain that provokes such uncertainty? So much unthinking that should be replaced with conscious thought, and yet...
There were no lessons to be taken from India, no momentous insights or unforgettable events. Rather, the trip itself consists of ever-more reminders of passivity, of indecision. (How predictable that you cannot even finish this write-up without the distraction of yahoo/facebook). If there was any clarity, it was that running that far into the abyss holds no answers or proper escape, and so you are left wondering again what outlet there might be for the curiosity and restlessness. What outlet other than the writing which you never sit down and do?
There must be something. And in the interim while you search there must be a better way of motivating yourself to accomplish the necessary without always putting it off for hours or days at a time, just because. That only results in items like the car going unserviced for months, or the growlers rolling around in the backseat for the same time period based on a failure to organize simple errands until long overdue.
All simple things, of course. It is the pattern that shows you up. As noted in Kashi, it is across the board and sustained application is required to combat it. Starting today with the efforts at marking and taxes and lining up the boat for next year and booking an appointment for the Mazda and beginning a regular pattern of visiting the treadmill and pool. Tomorrow to sort out those items along with the drop-off of the car and get mail to grandmom and Kath (the latter to compensate poorly for the gross inconvenience of the Finn MacCool behavior). Wednesday to have the office tidy and begin (re)building an organized computer and file system. And the booking of some yoga and the beginning of a true meditative effort.
Bold goals, but all required. Needs must, and more (with 9 minutes before this becomes an hour long post) it seems appropriate given the way this planned rejuvenation was used as an excuse to call a halt to something important. Not a surprising ending, and all-too predictable in retrospect, but it did not always look that it would unfold that way, and so to fail now would carry a double-edged element of guilt. So many apologies, let's not leave grounds for anymore.
The die is cast then. A little less than three weeks until the Southern Cross is placed in the water, with its sights set hopefully on Bishops that very day. A blogging reassessment seems appropriate in 21 days or so to check the status, and the contentedness with which the summer of sailing the winds of the Harbour shall begin. Time's up for now. Let it be done for the Southern X.
