The sense of thirty years

6AM, FIFA waiting room again.  Passing the time reading Alan Rickman's diary instead of entering time.  "But mostly - looking up at the gallery at the T-shirted students looking down - the sense of 30 years.  And a shy pride at being there once."  A nice line.  More frequently the sentiment as the time passes.

Time is such a weighty and magical thing.  Never again will there come a first flight with AA, first trip to the Thames with M, etc etc.  Never never.  But the returning is where a lot of the joy lies, even as you always remember the first.

Merrily, Merrily

Entering day 3 without power.  Overly kind neighbours insisting on providing a generator while M has a hard time saying no.  Countdown of inconvenience on as we prep for the London departure.  The Alexander Keith’s 12 pack gone in two nights, not sure how to approach that.  Left arm heavy after dose 4.  Hermitage for old stories of Blueberry Tea and new ones of Zanzibar and Zambia and Anderson.  How wild, the life, and then to return and know the responsibility.  

Singing songs in the bathroom, the memory of it just one more in the long progression, the jumping and the smiling and the strolling.  A nice day, shame about the last bit.  And the eyebrow comment, attacking the mind.  The sensitivities, forever a balancing.  Let’s hope for a pass tomorrow.  She deserves it.  

Counting down the things to do.  At least the hearing was completed before the storm.  Timing has been there, let’s ensure it continues.

Until the Thames with this family of three.  Imagine.

Give Yourself a Try

Fucking the worst news.  Professor Doelle, champion of the planet, has been struck and killed over the weekend, apparently.  By an impaired driver on a sunny Saturday afternoon makes it all the worse.  Life.  The concatenation of coincidence, as I've just googled.  Asimov used it in Foundation's Edge, some guy used it to describe the Hitchhiker's Guide world.  Etc.

As we wait for Mirriam and the actor.  So many thoughts of you, Grandmom Eileen.  Just between us.  Another Anderson.  He's a beauty.  I didn't think it could be this good, I didn't.  I wish you could have met her, but I feel like you always knew it was coming.  Nanny got to meet her for both of you, and hard to imagine a better outcome, or timing.  Our man came but a week later, if you want to get scientific about it.  A special one, the little Moonshiner, and we will honour him.  As you did with Dad.  Wonderful to be part of family in such a way.  And, unexpectedly, to know the name and the tradition and the tartan shall carry on.  Carry on Montesquieu.  Heh.

The TV is starting to show ever-more adverts for Qatar.  We have London to do first, a Thames encounter at CitizenM and with the scum.  Oxford and the MacDougall 60th bottle for the 61st.  Much much much.  Life is good.  But that Prof. Doelle business is shit.  Find the right way to toast and honour that memory.  I could deal with Al, the timing and the cancer and the full life.  That kind of accident is throat in mouth disaster.  Not cool.  M would say we have to trust, but I would say I do not like it.  

And, for now, leave it at that.

  

Rewards

Another ill-chosen word in the line of husband hormonal mistakes.  And scheduling Saturdays, alas.  The sensea massage did not go down as well, but the meaning well sentiment is there, as you always do.  Challenge of seeing if either of these Moonshine dates can be met by you…. Not ideal.  Only chance would be Thursday morning, but hard to see how you can even miss an hour of these panels, sadly.  Anyway, trust in Mirriam, she can do it.  Just watch the terminology.  A nice day with the man and the desperation of the joint bath to soothe.  Thinking that the crazy market outside would be wondering about the torture yet not a sound heard.  I like the little cottage.  There’s something about being away.  Shore Club lobster tomorrow because traditions are fun.  Now Gaiman’s Ocean.  It’s the random things.

Silly Objections

A great day yesterday.  Poor lawyering on display, and experience allows you to take advantage.  Whether it will make a difference or not, who knows, but it was satisfying.  Especially the moment when the CA piped up and I looked over to see the twinkling eyes of Board counsel hiding a smirk.  Undertaking allowed.  Do you remember?  Wondering about what the new FFO updated number would be and whether it would be helpful.  Plus the other quotes of the days...

"I see them as synonymous, yes."

"You cannot optimize piecemeal."

"Lots of things may be."

"I don't have that insight based on this paragraph."

Strange to be in a new room, with no photograph of the Queen.  Perhaps we'll see King C. on Tuesday.  Opening Statement objection upcoming.  Slow, Mr. Norwood, Slow. 

The Eve of Cedar Lake

Prep for the hearing and finding myself ill at ease.  The discovery of liability for efficiency costs that may accrue, combined with the uncertainty over hearing timing, cross, and critical issues leaves a gap that slightly troubles the mind.  Answers to come will be difficult to challenge, and arguments to be made difficult to muster in the face of the shell game responses.

BUT... a bit of sleep, new clothes, a supportive wife, and sighing newborn babe do much to lift the spirits.  There is a joy in waking while the world sleeps around you, avoiding the traffic and scheming under cover of darkness.  Need constant reminder that this is a game, and ultimately it is just about a "bar tab", as Mr. Long well notes.  Fight the good fight and then head to London for the stuff that really matters.

Update later.  Focus on what you can do.  And do it well.  Head up.

Outside The Cocoon

A few days of growth and perspective and sleeplessness, accidents and portents.  Final visit to the dentist for 2022, touring around the office, the AA wine a delight, and procrastinating on the cross as you prepare for days back before the Board that will set the stage for the future.  Choice of words while trying to do everything continues to frustrate the relationship and yield back to reconciliation and learning. How not to get riled by it, how to let these things too pass?  A constant education.

Sabbath today, the first effort to skip in favour of JWD, no bottle means a return and the stop at Shoppers results in an inevitable reckoning with a yellow post.  The how of it just incomprehensible, and yet the pop of the bumper back into place (for now) strangely satisfying.  The soothing of the young man as holy communion was taken, seeing similar faces and pondering the wind and shimmering leaves and time, not yet finding the thoughts or words for the creation of cuteness that now marks your days. 

And on that note, the random volume I find myself digesting with cold chicken this evening as the laundry spins and the family strolls, William Gibson on following his son to Spain for a course on meditation.  A slim collection of memories from a turn-of-the-year before you were born, reflecting in art and youth and fatherhood, and religious experience too.  Poignant reimaginings of realizing when his eldest boy was grown, reaching out through the years to indirectly counsel you to soak in it, as everyone has been saying.and also more generally to see life in the affirmative, the Dawn glow, the beautiful wonder.  

Worship creation in your own way.  Rested, attack the cross tomorrow with gusto.  It’s already all in your head, you just have to write it out and deliver it.  And then London.

We are travelling with Anderson…

Hubbards again, and AA back to work, sleeping away the time.  Has he woken?  Sounds of Dance Monkey drift up to your vantage point above the orchard.  How will it all play out?  Best to keep the panicky father far from the set action.

I can hear our man now, poor mama.  Now they are on the move.  Seems he was fast asleep and they needed him awake?  Always something, we’ll see how the day goes…. Called about the passport and it is still in production, so that’s a welcome relief, pick up still possible.  A Bodo ticket also acquired thanks to Red Member Gartner’s diligence before golf.

4 months

Time.  Always time.  A grand few days, returning to “real” work with gusto, to what end remains to be seen.  Mom getting set for her Croatia holiday, pre-pandemic in the making.  AA standing legs growing stronger all the time, feeling comfortable at home, M making friends, it’s almost bedtime almost it’s almost bedtime songs.  The winecrafters solid, the cannon tradition renewed and the notebooks of 2018/19 revisited tonight.  So much.  Hayya arrival even as we await the infant passport.  Do not let us down at the final hurdle, big man.  Perhaps the Saturday’s request can focus us on that bit of bureaucracy…

Life is grand.  May it continue.