Hey Sugar! (HNY)

Here you go, 6 hours to the new year in NO, just turning over in the UK...

What have you learned?  What have you done?  What have you remembered?  What have you forgotten?  Oh, 2017.  Embarrassment and conviction and enthusiasm and dreams.  You had it all.

Preservation Hall and Sugar Bowl tomorrow, to welcome in the silver dollar with a nice face wash.  A lucky one, surely.  Where to tonight?  I know yet not.  The comfort of a warm-body, for a biennial tradition?  I see no reason why not.  Heh. Sad though, to see that blonde with the hat tonight, and others, who in other lives would have you motivated to move mountains.  Poetic.

But.  As we listen to kind of blue.  Hard to have regrets.  This city seems one of near misses and yet extraordinary hospitality.  As if it is trying but just can't pull it off properly, fully.  

What it might have been like if you came here before.  Younger.  Who can say?  I am here now, soaking it in, not in my best of states, but perhaps wiser.  Mentally stronger.  More humble and sceptical and sarcastic.  And with a mind to a solution.  A Freeport purchase.  

Check in next year on the progress.  I fancy the chances...

Anticipated Objections v. Further Justifications

Marking papers, I pause to note that excellent sub-heading.  May it also mark the process for you to follow in weighing diverse futures aboard the Europa in a few short weeks hence...

...I don't have the power

Last night of a funny little holiday, that has seemed long and yet continues after only 2 or so extra days of work to come into the US.  Got to hear Mr. Reeves brag about the hockey prowess once again a few hours ago, 2 days late but as dependable as always.  And launch an inexplicable Jumanji tradition, at that, amidst a tussle over movie timings.  Ah, wedded bliss.

I'm ready to get back on the wagon soon, for a real health push toward the deepest south.  And the regularity of traditions combined with the lethargy of the break have me dreaming of the new plan.  Dropped the reference to Lav's with the older sister mid-paragraph, so that's another point of progression, even as you explain it by way of "an" and not "the" example...  But in my mind, it seems less crazy the longer it's imagined.

You can do it, Capt'n.  Deciding to be poor, perhaps.  But free, and rich in time, and opportunity for creation.  Not just opportunity, but duty.  It is all consistent with the original thoughts at the McNab lighthouse way back in October 2014, that this was never to be more than a 3-5 year plan.

Don't be cowardly, says the Doctor before the 12th transition tonight.  If hope brings with it fear, it still brings hope.  Freshness.  Yes b'ye.  Give it welcome.

Traditions

A strange one.  Chapters, NFL, eggnog/nutmeg, Joxer and Shane's classic, Warner Wolf, old couch, and pain in waiting for the last guest to leave, but no church, no chaz reeves, no lobster sandwiches, and no real memorable moments.  Talk of investment and retirement, of cryptocurrency and crashes, and stockings past.

What to record for posterity here?  Vagabond dreams, the present you bought yourself, its reference to chthonic darkness.  The whale watching out of St Andrews discussion.  Can you really be that crazy?  Can you afford not to be?

New creation/innovation requires the new, feeds on it, demands it.  All else that protects must be shed.  There have been other paths, other false starts.  Fail again.  Fail better.

Merry Christmas.  Past, Present, Future.

To Do Lists

Another day.  Another lost morning.

64 days, and many of them to be spent outside this office at that.  Much to be done.  Before the southern departure, and before the end of next summer.  The ending of this year requires the making of a proper "to do" list, and (more importantly) the keeping to it.

Funny how low actual file work falls in thinking of the priorities.  (So much for "excellence" - ed.)  Figuring out how to squeeze another 12 months from the state of affairs post-May return shall be an entertaining challenge.  And presumably where the Ahab-fuelled inspiration to perserve comes in.

Found the NUIG PhD thesis today - released June 2017.  Think I'll take it home and read it over a steak.  Roads not taken and such.  No regrets there.  This time, this Cow Ledge path, feels different.  More flexibility.  More consideration.  Longer concrete plan unfolding in the run-up.  Need to properly weigh the age-old balance - time v. money.  But something good can work.

How will it end though?  Watch this space.  If only I could read ahead now to the 2020 entries...   

Chp 18 - His Mark

The emails arrived as the bus was making its way home under cover of darkness.  First, confirmation of the post within the church for the sermon (x4), followed by the timing of the reading.  Back-to-back starting at 4:15PM on the fateful day.  Sounds perfect, just as Ishmael makes the case against a strict reading of religion, and after the author mourns the fact that we are all cracked about the head and need mending.  From there, I am not sure of how the rest of the evening will play out, but I plan to stay awake as long as I can.

A superb boozy lunch to while away the time, with cocktails aplenty.  And conversation with the retired enjoying life, no longer someone's assistant or someone's spouse or someone's parent.  Opportunity to be yourself, and feel at the center of your own life.  Choice.  Renewal.  Who to begrudge it?

A fun weekend as well, dark night of Guinness and double cheesburgers and triple rum.  Reminiscing about the importance of past Christmases past.  Offering up the number for a random text that never came.  Offering thoughts up about the Cow Ledges as well, not sensing the enthusiasm yet, but at least floating the place, foreshadowing the idea.  A bit more of that over this holiday, and then dormant on it until decisions are made in the summer.

The Belle and Sebastian poster.  The killerwhaletank.  When you have such a powerful and noble theme, how everything seems to move to align with it.  Keep making notes.  And we shall see.

The First Marathon

Find myself growing increasingly excited for New Bedford.  Friday's announcement should've a fun way to welcome in the boozy lunch, and the expensive pre-dinner has been confirmed.  The poster for the 22nd annual looks outstanding, and invites a hanging on the Freeport wall along with the Belle and Sebastian whale and other relics tbd.  As the days and nights pass, the idea of cow ledge grows.  An outlet for creativity, and at last a real assertion of freedom beyond the stolen vacation days.

Told Mr. Stinger about the voyage today, as the disclosures begin to fall.  He clearly sees a long-term handoff in the cards, a sign of the alternative paths available.  Need to take the road less travelled by, though.  I am more convinced than ever.

Escaping from the Jargon and the Cant

The precision of words. 

Jargon as words and expressions used by a particular profession or group that are difficult for others to understand.  Cant as hypocritical and sanctimonious talk, typically of a moral, religious, or political nature.  It takes a particular ability to talk confidentally in paragraphs about and around certain issues, yet say nothing substantive.  For the focus to be so strongly on the appearance of such things, the unobjectionable intention rather than the underlying issues.  To not see the absurdities, and ignore the obvious dissembling.

Looking at BO on this break, as he shuffles through documents, preparing for yet another cross-examination.  It occurs that maybe he just likes it, the way you like traveling.  The way you like sorting itineraries.  The way you like turning up in a new city, and slowly putting images to maps.  The way you like stories - random and imagined and unrewindable. 

Thinking back to the partners' meeting, and the comments from Darren as to why we come to work - bluntly, because we need the money.  While true, it is only part of the equation for many.  There is a social conditioning that promotes it.  The 9 to 5 day, the 5 of 7 week.  The working in order to spend, in order to keep up, to have and enjoy nice things.  The working to alleviate boredom, to occupy one's time, to take up a part and remain in society.  But also the working for stimulation, for an affirmation of purpose.

"Do you have any doubts, or do you?"  Heh.  I love the tradition of the board "huddle".

Time and space.  It has been awhile since Trafalgar, but always the earliest and most vivid memories of London are under that column, staring down Whitehall.  The sensation of returning, infrequently but regularly, to the same spot, at different moments across the years.  Like this room.  The flags and the Queen are still there.  So, to, the (faded) recollections.

Part of why that matters, why it relates to the thoughts of work/career - it is a reminder of both constancy and change.  You sit here and reflect on how specialized and focused our daily jobs can get, in all their individual roles, how each function serves the whole, how people choose to spend their lives.  It is a reminder of how, in recent years, you have been more successful in gaming the system than progressing through it.  Participating as an onlooker, passive rather than active, to the point where it is now hard to conceive of a path upward, in the usual or expected trajectory.  The very idea of that is laughable, and beckons an escape.  All the more confirmation of the Ahab plan.  Oh how I hope it is an option come May.  Surely. 

71 Nights to go - 10 in Moncton.  4 in New Orleans.  5 in New England.  The remaining 52 at home.  Such little time.  In a weird bit of symmetry, just about the number of days that you will be gone.  So let it not seem to close.
         

9 hours

The theme of using numbers in the titles continues.  The Rioja was good (don't you remember the sediment at the end as you debated S's flight?).  The Bourbon was good (don't you remember the failure to extract info from Bacchus?).  Aye me.

James Leslie.  What of it.  Let's go super early tomorrow and interview Grandmom.  And then come back. No one will stop you and it's as good a plan as any.  Drink this bourbon and do it.  Big hand style.  You may no get the real chance again...

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oh, I...

Remember.  What happens at the end of the Big Four?  Is Achille Poirot real?  How lovely will the rest of this 2009 Rioja be?  Where did this pain just below the right shoulder come from?

What's next?  And how different shall it be from the imaginings?

Red Wine Wednesday

High point?  Ha.  Low point?  Perhaps.  Turning point?  Most definitely.

Emails about waiting for the other side to come back with a response.  Ongoing confusion over the AA/BA handling.  Intransigence on 5F.  Rate study delays.  Subcommittee weed inquiries to "start getting on the phone."  And all the while, retreating.  All the while, hiding.  All the while, waiting.  Planning.

Closing in on two months before the departure south for a 70-day break.  Closing in on dropping the obligations at SBTS and Dal.  The patience is hard as the tendency is to look beyond even the "trip of a lifetime" to a future free from the current preoccupations.

So it was in the past, so it is in the present.  In 2009, staring at 40,000 in debt and 20,000 in cash, you ran until the money was gone.  In 2011, the debt paid, and a few dollars to your name, it was a new challenge that beckoned, but fizzled when the extent of the work to come proved uninspiring.

And thus the promise made in the swimming hole in central Vietnam.  To return and make an effort at restarting the career in earnest, at giving the settled down version of life in Halifax a shot, at pursuing the condo and the partnership.  The commitment made, the 1% ownerships acquired, things fell into place, as neatly as you could have imagined.

For a time.  Sanction and the mill revival and the wind/royalty arbitrations on the return, "Ambitious" landing revelry, the last of the wonders, AM Kili courtship, the international football tournaments and FA cups, the primaries and the hip and the general, Bali and the 2008 NZ reunions, Islay and the eclipse.  As 5 years go, it has been quite a wonderful, magical tour.  And three nephews and a niece amidst it all.

Yet, ever since 2015, the yearning for a move on has been growing ever stronger, stoked by each passing trip and passing month.  To get back to the freedom of the backpacking days, before it is too late.  To do it one last time, and do it properly.  To, in JK's words, for once become a writer and not do somebody else's work. To, in WW's words, walk free and own no superior.

The plan is in place.  It just requires the right timing, hence the frustration necessitated by the hesitation.  Although that lends the drama to it. Heightens the stakes, ensures you are certain.

It has been too long since I have read Whitman properly.  But I am moving back in his direction.  Soon.  Soon.  Everyday is one step nearer in that direction.

Fanciful Plans for the late 40's?

Where do the ridiculous ideas come from?  A lazy brain, or a brain with room and time to be filled?

Slow morning - the forgotten meeting and webex participation saving you some face.  Followed by a lie-in and further bookings of accommodation in Kazan and Saint Petersburg.  There must always be a future trip to dream toward, and that Friends mural will be a sight to see if you can make it there.

"You are the best traveler I know," sayeth Van just now, upon hearing the news of the latest travels...  hard work if you can commit to it.  As anxious as I am for the future to arrive, it is funny in that it has helped look beyond the very real and amazing fact that the flight to Santiago leaves in 77 nights.

In the interim, constantly keeping plans of escape in mind.  Including a quick one in a moment for the bus up to Parklane and a random matinee film.  Pourquoi pas?

But before I run, the thought I wanted to record.  Assuming the Freedom Freeport operation proceeds, the thought is to get involved in the local community, perhaps even via a political riding association.  Which invited a bit of research that begs the questions - if you played a long game, could you find 3000 votes of your own by 2025?  It is not an outlandish speculation, if the destination pub plan succeeds...  Something to keep at the back of your mind as a motivator to get involved in fully promoting Ahab's to its potential.

Ay me.  Life is too short for a single career.  You have balanced this one nicely for awhile with a few forays into professorship and travel expert.  The time to sample the literary publican experience may be soon at hand... 

"It was twenty!"

Hazy recollection of last Friday evening as a whole, but what a day.  From the Emirates tour to the Bierschenke draw, cab across the Thames, old school yard cocktails and pizza, then into the show.  Boats beating back ceaselessly into the past from the beginning, which was off.  Still remember vividly the faces of some of the actors, and the Queen-3-7 that ended it all.  A sumptuous night, topped off by the mindless tube riding to Baker Street and Manor House.  In all, as much fun as you can have, recalling the excesses of the Tomatina.

A few days so well done that things were not even spoiled by the United loss.  No doubt because of the hungover mood, the haircut and Piebury traditions, and how well the team played.  You can't win them all, alas.  I wonder if there will be another chance to see inside the Emirates in May...

The whale and pub research started nicely, and I did enjoy the reception that the Ahab's idea keeps receiving when disclosed.  It's a retirement idea, but why can't it work, at this stage and in conjunction with a serious go at writing?  I see no reason why not.  It will be a sacrifice that will require a serious change in spending, in lifestyle, and choices to be made.  It helps I've been preparing for it for so long...

The timing, if not laid out here previously, begins to sort itself.  Although no Transsiberian, the Moscow flight has been seized, 6 matches in 11 days in 4 cities it is.  Hopefully an accepted offer by June 8th, and closing on August 1, and so the summer and fall flow together and pass before you know it.  A last winter and paid vacation Caribbean escape, before an April farewell?  It sounds right.  With Lav's renewal set to expire on Oct 25th, your course seems set for the 2019 season, and beyond.

Just to have the courage to say that big Yes.